I am a carcass of an animal whose name has long been forgotten. I am immobile with no heart to feel. My eyes are empty sockets with no life to fill them. I want to think of thoughts that are not thoughts that I do not want to think.
But the thoughts that I do not want to think, I think.
My bones have become dirt, so I become a waterfall. My laughs echoes love, my arms glisten in the sun. I still have no heart to feel. I still think of the thoughts I don’t want to think.
The waterfall has dried up, I am now a tree. The wisdom of many years flow through me, my limbs are filled with compassion and I am at peace. Yet, I still have no heart to feel. I still think of the thoughts that I do not want to think.
The tree was chopped, so I am a star. I burn so bright, so quick. I am filled with hydrogen till I start to pour. Nothing can stop me, there is no pain. But, I still have no heart to feel. I still think thoughts I wish I could not think.
The hydrogen gave out so the star burst into a hole that swallows things, I am now left with nothing to be so I am dirt. Rich and heavy. I can feel my carcass deep down inside me. It asks me, “Did nothing change with the things you became? How are you still haunted with invalidity? How did you never find a heart to feel your feelings?”
I open my mouth and speak before it is filled with sand,
“I’m sorry.”
(image by photographer Ren Hang who committed suicide on 24.02.17, you will be remembered)
peachyzaynah 