When the darkness of night spills onto road,
Where unfocused eyes meet blurred signs
Where cars turn left instead of right,
Where cars do not take the exit sign,
Illuminated by cheap lights, she is there… a young child,
Amidst the cacophony of disjoint shrieks,
Splattered with makeup and a sequined dress
Elbow deep in bangles that giggle in opaque air.
And she will be quivering; her limbs quaking,
Yet the smile on her face will not fall.
The empty hole inside her widens every single time she-
Chews her lips into silence,
Or clenches her fists into whiteness
Or whimpers when a man passes too close by.
Wondering,
“Where is my knight in shining armour?”
Alas, she has only dreamt of this utopia
As she repeats fairy tales like an intricate spell
While laying on the streets of a world-
She wishes she could forget.
She understands she is not invisible;
The hasty glances and pitying coins can say that much, at least.
She has already been painted, in a spectrum of vivid colours that scream help– it sold for a million.
She has already felt the flash of a photographer’s light as they filter her to black and white.
She has seen the startled gaze of travelling names that turn so quick and don’t look back.
She has seen the poems written about her that romanticise her glittery eyes and cup her tears until she smiles- they speak
In honeyed tones of affection, whispering, “Don’t worry it will all change, this is not forever”
Awaiting the bitter cold rage that breaks in her body every single time she hears that phrase-
Because not once has she ever been asked for her name,
Or how to leave it all today,
But instead, she is comforted with crocodile tears that vanish when the camera is not filming.
She knows…
She knows she will be forever illuminated by those cheap streetlights
Which meet the cars of wrong turns and fading signs.
She discerns, nothing changes
Yet as her gaunt body rocks with fear,
And her diluted pupils bore into mouths that stretch into savage grins,
…She hopes.
peachyzaynah 